In this iteration of our mental health book club, we are reading and reviewing Every Memory Deserves Respect by Dr. Deborah Korn and Michael Baldwin.
In this post, we’ll explore the key themes and takeaways from the book, discuss how it can enhance our understanding of trauma and healing, and reflect on its significance for those considering or currently undergoing EMDR therapy. Whether you’re a seasoned mental health professional, a survivor, or simply curious about the healing process, this book has something valuable to offer.
What is the book about?
Every Memory Deserves Resect is a book about Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy and its effectiveness in helping people heal from trauma. The book's tone is hopeful, educational, and approachable. The book follows the personal journey of co-author Michael Baldwin, showcasing his struggles with developmental trauma into adulthood and the ways in which EMDR has helped him to heal and to flourish. His experiences are interwoven with practical insights about EMDR therapy, illustrating how the modality can effectively address deep-seated emotional wounds. In this way, the book not only educates readers about therapeutic techniques but it also inspires hope for those on similar paths, emphasizing that healing is a journey worth taking.
Who wrote the book?
Every Memory Deserves Respect was written by Dr. Deborah Korn and Michael Baldwin. Deborah Korn is is a clinical psychologist, EMDRIA-approved consultant, and EMDR Institute faculty member, and Michael Baldwin is a trauma survivor who graciously shared his story in the book.
What are some important takeaways from the book?
The authors stress the importance of understanding that trauma is not necessarily an event. Rather, trauma is the way in which an event or experience impacts the mind and the body. Trauma is the injury, and just like the human body is wired to heal from physical injury (like a broken bone), the human brain is wired to heal from trauma too. EMDR therapy supports the brain in carrying out its natural healing process.
An important takeaway from this book is the effectiveness of EMDR as a treatment for trauma. Korn cites a 2007 randomized control trial that found that EMDR was more effective in treating PTSD and depression than SSRIs, and a 2020 meta-analysis that found that EMDR was the most cost-effective trauma therapy of the eleven included in the study.
Additionally, the book highlights that EMDR's effectiveness extends beyond trauma diagnoses. EMDR can be used to help people of all ages who are struggling with depression, anxiety, phobias, pain, eating disorders, and addictions, among other things.
What was the most memorable or impactful story, anecdote, or example in the book? Why did it stand out to you?
One of the anecdotes that I found most impactful comes in the second chapter of the book. Here, Dr. Korn shares the story of her client, Cindy, to illustrate the complex nature of dissociation. This anecdote stood out to me because it demonstrates how a coping mechanism that can help to survive childhood trauma can later become a barrier to healing and connection. Dr. Korn writes:
My client Cindy, whose father regularly beat her mother in front of her and her siblings, used to "go away" the moment her father started to raise his voice. "I didn't choose to go away," she explained. "It would just happen. Tucked away behind a chair or the couch, I'd get very small, very foggy, and time would stand still. Everything would become very distant, and nothing felt real. I'd stop hearing my mother's screaming. I'd 'disappear' myself. After those episodes, I would feel so guilty that I didn't do something more to help my mother.
Here, Dr. Korn highlights the ways in which dissociation was a way for Cindy to flee psychologically even when she could not do so physically. While Cindy was still subjected to abuse from her father, her dissociative response was a protective mechanism. It allowed her to emotionally detach from the violence taking place in her home. As Cindy grew older, however, that dissociative response that had helped her to survive during childhood began to interfere with her ability to engage in everyday life. Of this, Dr. Korn writes:
"As I got older, I would find myself spacing out in response to situations that were not actually threatening, just heated or emotionally intense. I became allergic to anger and other negative emotions. I'd freeze and 'go away' if I heard even a hint of anger in another person's voice-a friend, family member, or teacher. Dissociation became my default setting, and when my threat meter spiked, I couldn't stick around. ... I was gone." More recently, Cindy told me, "I want to learn how to remain present in the face of conflict and strong emotion. Dissociation may have saved my life, but now it is keeping me from being fully engaged in my life and in my most important relationships."
Cindy’s journey -- from using dissociation to survive her childhood trauma to recognizing that it now interferes with her ability to fully participate in life -- illustrates the complex and often painful dynamics of coping with past trauma.
If you are experiencing something similar, you are not alone. EMDR therapy can provide a safe and controlled environment for you to process the trauma of your childhood so that you can remain present and engaged in life without reverting to dissociation when faced with emotional intensity.
What was the most memorable or impactful quote in the book? Why did it stand out to you?
The first quote that stood out to me is this one:
"What I have always loved about this work is that people get better. With all that we know today about effective treatment, I can confidently say to a client in the first session, 'You were injured -- perhaps in many different ways, emotionally, physically, sexually -- but you can recover. This is not something you were born with or need to keep living with. We will do that work, together, and you will heal.' That, to me, is an incredibly hopeful and wonderful way to start a journey with someone."
As an EMDR therapist who works with individuals that have experienced trauma, this quote resonated with me deeply. It is a wonderful thing to be trained in a modality that is truly effective. This quote captures the essence of my practice: the belief that healing is not only possible but attainable. It reminds me of the profound privilege I have to walk alongside clients as they confront their pain and uncover their strength. The potential for recovery serves as a guiding light in my sessions, empowering both me and my clients to embrace the journey ahead. It reinforces the idea that trauma does not have to be a lifelong burden, and that, together, we can pave the way toward a brighter, healthier future.
Who should read this book?
This book would be a good read for those curious about starting EMDR therapy or those currently engaged in EMDR therapy that are looking to gain a deeper understanding of the modality. The book provides insight into how EMDR works, as well as the effects of trauma on the mind and body, and the complexities of dissociation. Additionally, it offers valuable resources for those contemplating treatment and practical guidance for navigating their healing journey.
How can this book be integrated with therapy?
This book can serve as a resource to inspire meaningful conversations between you and your therapist. For example, if you're already working with an EMDR therapist, Every Memory Deserves Respect may prompt you to discuss specific aspects of your trauma processing, such as how your memories are stored in your body or how your nervous system responds to triggers. If you’re not yet working with an EMDR therapist, reading Every Memory Deserves Respect can serve as a starting point to initiate a discussion about incorporating adjunctive EMDR into your treatment plan.
Additionally, as you read, you can ask yourself: Did you relate to anything that you read in this book? Were you triggered by something that you read in this book? Did anything that you read touch or inspire you? These are all areas that you can explore further with your therapist.
What do you think, does every memory deserve respect?
Whether positive or negative, every memory carries significance, shaping our identities and experiences. Does that necessitate respect? I'm still not sure. On one hand, respecting our memories can promote self-acceptance and understanding, allowing us to learn from both our joys and our struggles. On the other hand, some memories, especially those tied to trauma, can be detrimental if left unexamined or unprocessed.
It might be more fitting to say that we should acknowledge and engage with our memories rather than simply respecting them. This means recognizing their role in our lives, reflecting on their impact, and deciding how to carry them forward. Either way, ultimately, respecting or recognizing the role of our memories about finding a way to honor our experiences while also fostering healing and growth.
I'd love to hear your take on this, so please leave a comment.
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If you're interested in beginning EMDR therapy or incorporating adjunctive EMDR therapy into your treatment plan, feel free to reach out to me. As a NYC-based EMDR therapist, I'm happy to help guide you through this process.
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